I got this a while back from Kate, and I laughed so hard I couldn't see through my tears. Then I read it again OUT LOUD to Barry tonight, and we were both cracking UP! Enjoy...and I think we all know how true it is.... THANKS, KATE!!!
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Rinse off.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there
is something SO very wrong with you.
Have a great day..... and woo woo!!! :)
7 comments:
Laughing at this made my abs hurt from all the extra crunches I've been doing lately after catching a glimpse of my stomach on the way to the shower . . .
I'm *definitely* passing this on to some friends : )
Hilarious!!!! Loved it! Thanks for sharing.
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
"Can I help you Sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without
Missing a beat, blurts out...
"Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!
thanks for the laughs. Andy and I both enjoyed a good chuckle out of this and thanks wreggie for another laugh.
LOL!!!!!
Oh man! Have you seen my hubby in the shower? I think you might have!
Okay, I almost didn't read this because I thought to myself "I've read this so many times and I'm busy right now." but for some reason...I did it anyway and somehow...when I got to the "see wife and shake weiner in front of her saying woo-woo" I busted a gut! I must have forgotten that part because it completley took me by surprise and you're right...it is hilarous and worth reading again and again! ha ha
Ps. Wreggie's joke is pretty stinkin funny too..will have to remember to tell that one to my hubby tonight.
Post a Comment