Friday, August 01, 2008

PMS and Global Warming

I don't normally get PMS. At all. Yes, I do know how lucky I am! No cramps, no back pain, no headaches, no moodiness, no weeping, etc. The cycle just does it's thing and that's it. Well, this month, things were weird.

Wednesday I was a complete lunatic. I felt anxious and my heart felt like it was beating right out of my chest. I was angry and frustrated with everything and everyone...for no reason whatsoever. Everything I tried to do came out a complete mess. Nothing went right. And for some unknown reason, the person my ire was directed at was none other than my sweet-tempered hubby. Every time I looked at him, I scowled. If he spoke to me, I wanted to claw his eyes out. The mere thought of him made my blood boil. And why, you ask? I have no freakin' idea!!! It was like I had no control over out-of-body experience, if you will. I was looking down at myself saying things like, "What the HELL is wrong with you?", "Stop it!!!", "WHAT is your problem??", and "For Pete's sake, just go TO BED!!!" And then the crying. For no good reason. Just because the dishes in the dishwasher were dirty and I forgot to run it. Just because there were clumps of Scout hair all over the floor. Just because we didn't have any NutThins. Just because Noah peed in his pants, and laughed about it. Just because. And just for your information...I AM NOT A CRIER. AT. ALL. So this freaked even me out quite a bit!

Now, luckily for Barry, this never happens. But, also unfortunately for Barry, this never happens. See, Barry didn't grow up with women or girls in the house. He lived with his Dad and brother..and his sister lived with his mom...a state away. He didn't really date much. He has no experience whatsoever with this kind of thing. He's simply not used to it. So I guess you could say he got submarined.

And maybe... just maybe... you may deem him the luckiest man alive that he has never had to experience it. I certainly do.

Or did.

Until this past Wednesday...July 30, 2008.

So now, I'm afraid that he thinks I am having a complete breakdown. And clearly, he was wondering what on earth had happened to our happy home. To be quite honest, I was wondering too! I didn't even realize it was PMS...until one of my friends asked me. Yeah, we're all clueless about that stuff around here.

Now rest assured, as of yesterday all was well. First thing in the morning, I bounced out of bed in my usual sunny manner and first thing, called my hubby to apologize for the antics the day before. "I'm so sorry about yesterday! I don't know what was going on! But I feel much better today!! See you tonight!" (Can you imagine what must have been going through his head?)

So anyway, I know you all thought that was my story for the day. But it's really just the background info. The real story is a Kendall story. And it goes like this...

Yesterday, I was feeling so much better that I decided to take a nice, long, hot shower...complete with exfoliation, deep hair conditioning, and shaving. Because my hair is so fine, I have to get right on the hair-drying or it just dries by itself...and that is not a good thing. My hair needs either a diffuser or a round brush to make it look nice. (Oh, and WHY does it take 30 years to discover these things about yourself?) Anyway, I wrapped a towel around myself and started drying my hair, going to town with my round brush. Suffice it to say that when I was finished, I was HOT. Kendall was standing next to me, in a fresh, summery sundress, brushing her hair and applying glittery lip gloss. She informed me that she wanted to impress her new sitter. (Heehee...that might have gone out the window on Tuesday when Mia was here for the first time...and Kendall didn't have her teeth brushed, had major bedhead, and was wearing mis-matched clothes. But hey, who am I to judge? After all, I was a raving lunatic on Wednesday!)

So, of course I told her that she looked beautiful and that I was SURE Mia would be impressed. At this moment, I was positively dripping with sweat. I said, "Kendall, is it hot in here? I'm really HOT!!!"

"No, Mama. I'm not hot. I'm just fine!"

"Are you sure? Hmmm, do you think maybe I'm havin' a hot flash, or is it just hot because of the hair dryer?"

Shrugging, she replied as innocently and nonchalantly as can be, "Well, maybe it's just global warming..." and turned around and walked out of the room.

I just stood there, looking at the door, not sure what the appropriate response should be.

I'm still not sure.


MommyK said...

OMG, I am laughing SO HARD at this post. I normally don't get PMS either, but when I do, watch out! Have you seen the SNL skit for the once a year period pill? Look for it on YouTube if you haven't, it is so funny, I almost died laughing.

Miss Got Wings said...

That SNL skit is hysterical. "Hold on to your f'n hat!"

LOL! Hope you're feeling better . . . . and cooler now.

Teresa said...

Okay! That does it! It's me. You never should have spent time with me hunny...this is now I am every single day and apparently it rubbed off onto you! I sincerely apologize! LOL!!

Yes, I am being funny but don't dismiss it alltogether...until Jenelle started hanging out with me...her kids were fine and she was in control of weird kids things happen to her too...right after they do me!

You know they say that when a bunch of women are together that they eventually get their "cycles" at the same time...if menstration can 'rub off' onto someone then I wouldn't doubt that PMS can too! LOL!!!!!! Ha! Ha! Ha!

On a more serious note. You have my pity b/c I can't imagine how that must have felt having not gone thru it before. My every single month is that way. I swear I have 2 weeks of of which is intense then a week of actual MS and then one one week a month that I am 'normal'...whatever 'normal' is anymore...

If Barry needs help...he can call Chuck...he's a PRO at PMS! LOL!!

jenelle said...

Welcome to the world of hormone swings. You are indeed blessed among women to enjoy such ease in life. Blessed is Barry for getting a gem like you, and God bless Barry for putting up with an unexpected you. Luckily you are worth it ;)

kc said...

This post had me laughing out loud! This is what I deal with each month, for one week before my period actually starts. Then once I get it, I'm myself again. I hate that one week of feeling so emotional and irritated at everything.
The Global Warming comment was so sweet and innocent, I cracked up! Where do kids come up with this stuff?! :)

Deetra said...

I laughed out loud. Ah, the story was funny but what Kendall said took the cake. The one nice thing about being pregnant is you don't have to deal with PMS for a while. I wish I were like you and didn't get it often...but I do, just ask Shawn!

Kiki said...

I am fine until I get my period, then for the first three days I want to kill anyone who comes near me....its never easy and I am so tired of it!!!

As for the global warming that brought a smile to my face, that Kendall is wayyyy smart!!!

terri said...

Every once in a a while I experience similar things. Not every month, and infrequently enough that every time it happens I think that life as I know it has come to a screeching halt and we're all going to hell in a handbasket.

It usually takes a couple of days before I realize WHY I've been acting like a psycho-maniac. Isn't it fun to be a woman?

kenady said...

Mine are like that every other month. I hate it! That's why I sometimes hate being a girl:)

Kendall is so cute!!

M, J, B, G, Sam & Sadie said...

That's darling! (Kendall's comment). I am always dripping with sweat after I dry my hair. I totally want a ceiling fan in the bathroom....ahhhh...that would be so GREAT!!
The PMS thing...I don't get it real often either...but when I's VERY obvious. I cry at the drop of a hat. I also turn into a grouch. ugh. Yuck.
Thankfully I don't have it all the time!

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