PMS and Global Warming

I don't normally get PMS. At all. Yes, I do know how lucky I am! No cramps, no back pain, no headaches, no moodiness, no weeping, etc. The cycle just does it's thing and that's it. Well, this month, things were weird.

Wednesday I was a complete lunatic. I felt anxious and my heart felt like it was beating right out of my chest. I was angry and frustrated with everything and everyone...for no reason whatsoever. Everything I tried to do came out a complete mess. Nothing went right. And for some unknown reason, the person my ire was directed at was none other than my sweet-tempered hubby. Every time I looked at him, I scowled. If he spoke to me, I wanted to claw his eyes out. The mere thought of him made my blood boil. And why, you ask? I have no freakin' idea!!! It was like I had no control over myself...an out-of-body experience, if you will. I was looking down at myself saying things like, "What the HELL is wrong with you?", "Stop it!!!", "WHAT is your problem??", and "For Pete's sake, just go TO BED!!!" And then the crying. For no good reason. Just because the dishes in the dishwasher were dirty and I forgot to run it. Just because there were clumps of Scout hair all over the floor. Just because we didn't have any NutThins. Just because Noah peed in his pants, and laughed about it. Just because. And just for your information...I AM NOT A CRIER. AT. ALL. So this freaked even me out quite a bit!

Now, luckily for Barry, this never happens. But, also unfortunately for Barry, this never happens. See, Barry didn't grow up with women or girls in the house. He lived with his Dad and brother..and his sister lived with his mom...a state away. He didn't really date much. He has no experience whatsoever with this kind of thing. He's simply not used to it. So I guess you could say he got submarined.

And maybe... just maybe... you may deem him the luckiest man alive that he has never had to experience it. I certainly do.

Or did.

Until this past Wednesday...July 30, 2008.

So now, I'm afraid that he thinks I am having a complete breakdown. And clearly, he was wondering what on earth had happened to our happy home. To be quite honest, I was wondering too! I didn't even realize it was PMS...until one of my friends asked me. Yeah, we're all clueless about that stuff around here.

Now rest assured, as of yesterday all was well. First thing in the morning, I bounced out of bed in my usual sunny manner and first thing, called my hubby to apologize for the antics the day before. "I'm so sorry about yesterday! I don't know what was going on! But I feel much better today!! See you tonight!" (Can you imagine what must have been going through his head?)

So anyway, I know you all thought that was my story for the day. But it's really just the background info. The real story is a Kendall story. And it goes like this...

Yesterday, I was feeling so much better that I decided to take a nice, long, hot shower...complete with exfoliation, deep hair conditioning, and shaving. Because my hair is so fine, I have to get right on the hair-drying or it just dries by itself...and that is not a good thing. My hair needs either a diffuser or a round brush to make it look nice. (Oh, and WHY does it take 30 years to discover these things about yourself?) Anyway, I wrapped a towel around myself and started drying my hair, going to town with my round brush. Suffice it to say that when I was finished, I was HOT. Kendall was standing next to me, in a fresh, summery sundress, brushing her hair and applying glittery lip gloss. She informed me that she wanted to impress her new sitter. (Heehee...that might have gone out the window on Tuesday when Mia was here for the first time...and Kendall didn't have her teeth brushed, had major bedhead, and was wearing mis-matched clothes. But hey, who am I to judge? After all, I was a raving lunatic on Wednesday!)

So, of course I told her that she looked beautiful and that I was SURE Mia would be impressed. At this moment, I was positively dripping with sweat. I said, "Kendall, is it hot in here? I'm really HOT!!!"

"No, Mama. I'm not hot. I'm just fine!"

"Are you sure? Hmmm, do you think maybe I'm havin' a hot flash, or is it just hot because of the hair dryer?"

Shrugging, she replied as innocently and nonchalantly as can be, "Well, maybe it's just global warming..." and turned around and walked out of the room.

I just stood there, looking at the door, not sure what the appropriate response should be.

I'm still not sure.