Off to School We Go!

So the day has finally come. Kendall went off to her first day of kindergarten. Grandma Cindy and Aunt Jessie came last night to spend the night and see her off early this morning, after a breakfast of pancakes (Aunt Jessie's choice!).

She got up to her new Quacking Duck alarm clock and dressed with minimal whining, and then the excitement began to build. We made sure her lunch money was securely stowed away in her backpack, along with her 3x5 index cards and address card for the bus driver. We did her hair, got her shoes on, and made sure she didn't need a little jacket. Then Barry followed in his truck as I headed out to take my baby girl to her first day of school...

I was doing fine as I prepped her in the car..."Use your good manners, say please and thank you, use your listening ears and your inside voice. Be sure to wash your hands after you use the bathroom. Be kind to your new friends and treat them the way you want them to treat you. Your lunch money is in the small pocket of your backpack. Have fun and listen to your teacher and you will do great!"

Yeah, well that all went to hell when I hugged her goodbye. Out of nowhere, the tears started. My face started feeling hot and I couldn't keep the tears back. I couldn't quite let go of her yet....

"She's not ready! I need another year! Can't we do half days? I think she's sick and needs to stay home another day...She doesn't know quite how to tie her shoes yet!" My mind was racing. A couple of deep breaths before I let go of her helped me to manage so she didn't see the panic I was feeling. But alas, Barry saw it. And the moment I turned away, it started up again. I headed directly for the little girls' bathroom in the hallway. After a few minutes of really heavy (and suprising!) sobbing, I was ready to face the rest of the school. Barry and I paid her school fees and headed out to the car, where I convinced him that I was ok. And as soon as he pulled out and headed to work...

The uncontrollable sobbing started all over again. Holy Cow! What on earth is wrong with me? Shouldn't I be excited for her? Of course! She's more than ready! Won't she have a great time? Of course! It's all she's talked about for weeks! So why can't I quit crying? (By the way, the tears are back again...) I cried the whole way home. Totally unlike me...and no one was more suprised than I! I got control of myself before coming into the house, and immediately felt a little bit better seeing my darling baby boy playing on the floor and my mom sweeping my kitchen. The world is still turning, and life is moving on. I have no choice but to keep moving right along with it...

Kendall is going to come home with a million stories to tell...she will probably be hoarse by the end of the night. And by the time she goes to bed, I will be smiling and calm...knowing that we have just made a huge step and everything will be just fine.